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Episode 13: Just Say No.

Description: Sometimes personal wellness means we have to say no to things we really want to do.

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Transcription: Hi, and welcome to Self Care for Educators. I am your host, Tina Boogren. This is episode 13. And, what we're going to talk about this week is saying no. Why is this one so hard? It is so hard for me. It is so hard for so many of us. Really, when we say no, what we're doing is we're kind of establishing our own boundaries, right? And, it sounds good in theory, but it can be so challenging to do. And, I think because we're kind hearted people, we don't want to let anyone down, and we want to help, and we want to do all of the things. But, we know that we can't. In order to be reliable, which for most of us, it's kind of one of our essential values, we can't let people down.

So, in the words of Brene Brown, we can't take on too much, so that we let people down and then that's how we lose trust with people. So, this week we're going to work on saying no. I want to, I want to see if we can say no to something this week. And, I did a little searching, because as I'm working on this myself, I found these 10 different ways to say no, and I think that they're helpful. So, let me just share these with you and see if any of them kind of resonate that you might be able to try. All right, so, first of all, no itself is a complete sentence, and yet that's really hard, right? We can't just turn to someone and say no. So, here's a few others. Okay ...

Sadly, I have something else going on. I have another commitment. I wish I were able to. I'm afraid I can't. I love this next one. I just don't have the bandwidth for that right now. I'm so honored that you asked, but I simply can't. Thank you so much for thinking of me. However, I'm not able to. That's one of my go to's. I'm sorry, but I'm not able to fit this in. Unfortunately, I already have plans maybe next time. No, thank you, but it sounds lovely. Okay, these are so good, and I know when we're listening to something we kind of want to hear them again or at least I do. So, I am gonna read them again for you. Okay, here we go first of all, just no--that is a complete sentence, but that one's a tough one, so here's some others. Okay ...

Sadly, I have something else going on. I have another commitment. I wish I were able to. I'm afraid I can't. I just don't have the bandwidth for that right now. I am so honored you asked me, but I simply can't. Thanks for thinking of me, however I'm not able to. I'm sorry, I'm just not able to fit this in. Unfortunately, I already have plans. Maybe next time. No thank you, but it sounds lovely. I think those are so good and so helpful. And, if we kind of choose one or two that we like. A lot and kind of keep them in our back pocket and practice them. Then, it's easier for us to utilize them. I would say there's a power in the pause, right? When someone asks us to do something, it is perfectly fine to say, I need to think on that, or Let me check a couple of things. Walk away and then get one of these lines in place of like, Man, I looked, I would love to do this, I just can't at this time. I think I heard this line first from Jen Hatmaker, where she says, You know, if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no.

And, there's certain things that that doesn't always apply to some things work wise or otherwise that we just have to do. But, when we really stop and think about our own capacity, our bandwidth, as we are really thinking about our own self care and wellness, sometimes we got to say no to things. In fact, here's the hard part. I hate this, but it's the truth. Sometimes we have to say no to things we really want to say yes to, in the name of what it is that our ultimate goal is. Whoo, that's hard, right? I ... so personally, I want to say yes to every, single request for a workshop or a webinar or an event that comes in. This is my life's passion, and I want to give the message of wellness to as many educators as I possibly can. But, the reality is I just can't. I tried for a long time, and I nearly burned myself right out. And so, it can be hard, but there are times that I have to say no to an incredible offer, even when I so desperately want to say yes. Because of my core values, I know that my well being and integrity and discipline are my core values.

And so, to uphold those and be the truest version of myself for myself. That's where I have to really dig into laying those boundaries down, working on saying no, really holding true to that. And, there's that moment of discomfort. Again, Brene Brown talks about this, that saying one of these lines is so uncomfortable, and there's a moment of discomfort there. But, we have to stick with it, and then hold true to that. Because, and here's the other part. A lot of times we have to say no more than once, because we might say this and someone else might come back with another offer or plead or, but what about this? And then, you have to say it again, and you might have to say it a few times. In college, I had a job as a telemarketer. Some of you might not even know what that is, but I ... I sold the Discover card over, via the telephone. And, the rule as a telemarketer was people had to say no three times. And then, you were done, right? So, it's this constant push, push, push. But, if they said no, literally, if they picked up the phone and said, no, no, no, we had to be done. And so, getting used to not only saying no once, but maybe having to say it a few times. So, that's what I want us to do this week. I want us to practice saying no. I want you to be on the lookout and be aware for those invitations that come up. And, I want you to be prepared. I want you to either pause, so you can walk away and be prepared or have a couple of those sentences or ones that you like in your own back pocket to have on hand and practiced saying no. I'm cheering so hard for you. This one's a hard one.

As always, a huge, huge thank you to Brooke for making this happen. Thank you to Solution Tree and Marzano Resources for this incredible job I get to do. And, to you, my bad-ass Self-Care Squad. We're going to say no. It's going to be hard, but we're going to do it, and we're going to feel better on the other side. Make it an amazing week.

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